mixed emotions...

It feels good to be back home, J after almost 15 days aways from my family, I back to my town… it feels good, but at the same time a bit strange, I feel like empty, dislocated, like if something is missing…

Hold on, let get something to eat…  8340677423568 - 945226504

Ok, here am… and as I was saying, im feeling kinda of empty. After coming from this trip, while at the airport I got the feeling of needing my family(wife n kids) waiting for me there, received with a big Hug, and I was sad knowing that was not possible, coz I don’t have a family!!! Its like my time to became a husband has arrived, and I wanna do it right, luv my wife, please her and above all give her a lot of respect…this is one of my priorities for 2013

I know ain´t got much choices, things with D seems a bit grey, I don’t feel her, its like she´s only with me coz she needs from time to time my help($$), I don’t know, and I will confront her about us, I think is time, either for us to move on, or stop here and live our lives alone. K, its another complicated story, she made clear dat having a husband is not part of her plans, so 4get it… im thinkin of H… we´ve been through a lot of shit, but I feel I still care for her, and I don’t wanna keep on playing this fool role, like supporting her($) and in everything she requests…nah, I don’t want dat. When I get a chance I will talk straight 2 her, and see if she wants or not… d rest is nothing.

This journey in BGA was profitable, I able to pay few of my bills, have some pocket cash, and some at d bank…it was really cool, but work wise, i´m not dat confident about this project(Bweza), it’s a big project something dat im sure will change ppls lives, but I don’t know if dats what I want to do. There´s d issue of knowledge of the technology involved on it, which is something I don’t master(lunix and DB), so if I move on its gonna be very tough. My first goal was achieved, which was to have some breath financially, and d help from Fernando was more dan welcome. But now coming home(mom) I don’t feel confortable, I was use to have my space, my small crib with my things(I know I couldn’t afford it no more), but still I need a place to live, I need a car to drive, and right now my Benz dream will be postponed for a while, a small car($10,000 worth) will be more dan enough.

I have d guys from CcP who wants me 2 star working next January the 7^th , but so far I did not have anything written(as well as Bweza no contract yet!!!), so I don’t know how its gonna be.

For now, I will just enjoy this Xmas Season with my family(dad, mom, brothers and rest), and wait 4 d new year…

Ciao…

MK_21.12@9.43p.m

Additional info…

Next week i need to pay to get my house papers ($1,800), pay my Boy´s school, and other stuff, ehi, don’t 4get d iPad of Xary Pi PLEASE!!!

I GOT ENOUGH!!!!

Fucke hell no!!! its enough, D is trying to drive me crazy, and I cant accept dat…man, I´ve been away for 15 fucken days, and she cant make a fucken call using the airtime dat I bought with my fucken money??? Fuck u bitch… I´ll never ever see d color of my money again, NEVER!!!

rising from ashes, like Phoenix...

its easy 2 4get tough  days, but hard 2 go trough... its been a fucken hard year, from belongins to emocional issues, i lived them all, tested all, cried all, but always kept faith that this would go away, just like dark clouds come and go... and here Im, back to a city I´ve been 6 years a go, with a complete different presprective and view, more mature, and confident of myself.

from dat day, that i wal laid at the hospital suffering like hell, crying like a baby, followed by another day with issues with D...here I´m with a new chalenge ahead of me... if this is not what I wanted, defenetely is what I have, and happy with it.

lessons have been learned 4sure... Im going deep on this, and make no mistake, I will succeed...

thank you Lord...

A new Journey

 Woke up early thinking that we still on Friday J it was a cold night, coz i did not have bed clothes enough to comfort me, but it still was a good night. Had few nasty dreams, like D changing me to another guy…well it might be things from my mind, or not… anyway, I won’t stress myself to much with that, coz I have much more important things to focus my mind.

It’s a new beginning, a fresh start for my career, for my future, for my life. Need to catch up, running against time, but not so worry coz things will come naturally. Called K, we spoke a bit, don’t know yet were this will go, in fact if I had to choose between her and D, I´d go for her, as she seems much more mature, and gives me more stability. Although I feel in luv with D.

Juliao still sleeps, and Im on my bed, listening to Norah Jones, letting my mind fly.

Good morning Benguela------

8.12.12